Inadequacy and Guilt...
Two things I am sick of feeling.
All thanks to my family.
I am of Italian descent. I used to use my heritage as an excuse. Like all Italian families must put their children/grandchildren/nieces through this. But now I think that not all families do this. Maybe not to the extent that it seems mine does.
A little background before I get off on a tangent.
My grandparents have 6 girls. Out of those 6 girls there are 10 grandchildren, and 8 great grandchildren. My grandfather (who I now realize was the glue of the family) passed away 13 years ago.
My whole life growing up, every single weekend was spent together. We had Sunday dinner EVERY single weekend. This of course doesn't include holidays. Those were a multi-day event...or should I say feast. There was always so much food at those events you could probably feed another 5 families on what we had leftover. (Then we all wonder why we're all fat!).
At any rate, when I got married and had children of my own my extended family was no longer my priority. I wanted MY family to be my priority. So I stopped going to dinners every Sunday (I mean, I am Italian but I am so sick of homemade sauce you have no idea).
You would have thought that I sent them a newspaper with a fish wrapped in it. It was like a slap in the face to my family. And everytime I do see them I hear from just about everyone that I should come over more on the weekends, or bring my kids over or do this or do that.
Yesterday was Father's Day. I do not speak to my father so it's kind of nice just being able to spend the time with my husband. And to add to that my husband works 6 days a week so Sunday is pretty much the only day he can spend a lot of time with me and the boys. At any rate, I received 2 calls telling me how they were having a cookout (they do every Sunday) and that I should come over. When I told them both that we had plans because it was Father's Day I was practically hung up on.
I am sick of feeling guilty!
Why should I deny my husband the time with our sons on his day "Father's Day" when I could go over there and sit around and listen to everyone bitch and moan about just about everything. Sometimes I seriously think I was in one of those families that just see everyone on holidays.
So I am constantly guilt ridden by them.
And then the worst feeling is inadequacy.
I am a good mother. No make that a great mother. And when I had my sons I swore I would do things differently and not bring them up like I was brought up.
When I discuss things they are doing I get told I should spank them (we don't). Yesterday, we took them to a Big Truck event in a small indoor dome center they loved it for the first 3 minutes we were there and then all the sirens started blaring. They were so scared they started screaming.
They are only 18 months old. Of course they are scared of loud noises. And just when I would get them calmed down the sirens would go off again and we would start all over. So we left early. When I was speaking to my mother and telling her what happened I get told "You should take them out more!"
What does this have to do with them being scared of a loud noise?
I'll tell you what....
NOTHING!
I was so upset that everything gets turned around that I am a bad mother because I don't take them over there (there version of out) that I hung up the phone and broke down in tears.
If it's not the spanking thing, it's the fact that I have them on a good, solid routine. I just can't tell you how I am sick of feeling like I am wrong...that everything I do is wrong. I read What To Expect The Toddler Years...guess what I am RIGHT!!!
I am doing things right!
And I am a good mother!
I should not feel Inadequate or Guilty!
So just deal with it....
All thanks to my family.
I am of Italian descent. I used to use my heritage as an excuse. Like all Italian families must put their children/grandchildren/nieces through this. But now I think that not all families do this. Maybe not to the extent that it seems mine does.
A little background before I get off on a tangent.
My grandparents have 6 girls. Out of those 6 girls there are 10 grandchildren, and 8 great grandchildren. My grandfather (who I now realize was the glue of the family) passed away 13 years ago.
My whole life growing up, every single weekend was spent together. We had Sunday dinner EVERY single weekend. This of course doesn't include holidays. Those were a multi-day event...or should I say feast. There was always so much food at those events you could probably feed another 5 families on what we had leftover. (Then we all wonder why we're all fat!).
At any rate, when I got married and had children of my own my extended family was no longer my priority. I wanted MY family to be my priority. So I stopped going to dinners every Sunday (I mean, I am Italian but I am so sick of homemade sauce you have no idea).
You would have thought that I sent them a newspaper with a fish wrapped in it. It was like a slap in the face to my family. And everytime I do see them I hear from just about everyone that I should come over more on the weekends, or bring my kids over or do this or do that.
Yesterday was Father's Day. I do not speak to my father so it's kind of nice just being able to spend the time with my husband. And to add to that my husband works 6 days a week so Sunday is pretty much the only day he can spend a lot of time with me and the boys. At any rate, I received 2 calls telling me how they were having a cookout (they do every Sunday) and that I should come over. When I told them both that we had plans because it was Father's Day I was practically hung up on.
I am sick of feeling guilty!
Why should I deny my husband the time with our sons on his day "Father's Day" when I could go over there and sit around and listen to everyone bitch and moan about just about everything. Sometimes I seriously think I was in one of those families that just see everyone on holidays.
So I am constantly guilt ridden by them.
And then the worst feeling is inadequacy.
I am a good mother. No make that a great mother. And when I had my sons I swore I would do things differently and not bring them up like I was brought up.
When I discuss things they are doing I get told I should spank them (we don't). Yesterday, we took them to a Big Truck event in a small indoor dome center they loved it for the first 3 minutes we were there and then all the sirens started blaring. They were so scared they started screaming.
They are only 18 months old. Of course they are scared of loud noises. And just when I would get them calmed down the sirens would go off again and we would start all over. So we left early. When I was speaking to my mother and telling her what happened I get told "You should take them out more!"
What does this have to do with them being scared of a loud noise?
I'll tell you what....
NOTHING!
I was so upset that everything gets turned around that I am a bad mother because I don't take them over there (there version of out) that I hung up the phone and broke down in tears.
If it's not the spanking thing, it's the fact that I have them on a good, solid routine. I just can't tell you how I am sick of feeling like I am wrong...that everything I do is wrong. I read What To Expect The Toddler Years...guess what I am RIGHT!!!
I am doing things right!
And I am a good mother!
I should not feel Inadequate or Guilty!
So just deal with it....
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